First of all I want to thank you for taking the time to complete the survey, I appreciate that it is not always easy to talk about intimate matters and I was pretty inquisitive! You were asked how often you have sex, and in your replies some 30% of you say that you would like to turn up the heat several times a week, while another 10%, of you cannot remember the last time you made love.
You were also asked you if you had ever cheated on your partner. It was good to hear that 70% of you had never cheated. There is a lot to be said for monogamy!
There will be more results to come on this but the work done already has prompted me to write an article on libido and to offer some practical suggestions to those who feel that things have become a little bit lukewarm in the bedroom.
One thing that I have discovered from my experience working with couples is that intimacy and desire, unsurprisingly, play a big part in a sexually fulfilling relationship. And a relationship can be sexually fulfilling without penetrative sex too. It is all dependent on the couple their intimacy and desire for each other and what makes them feel the best.
When clients approach me for help with their sex lives they will often say that they are experiencing difficulty with erection or arousal. When we get talking in the initial sessions it’s often obvious that the couple concerned has ‘fallen out of friendship’, but were still expecting to be simmering away sexually. While it is true that hot sex after a heated argument can heal a rift, for many couples getting beyond a fall out is a challenge.
So to help the 30% of you that would like to feel the desire and excitement that you did at the start of your relationship, I have come up with a list of intimacy hacks that will help rekindle desire, increase sexual activity and enhance your couple communication.
- Try not to let petty issues build up. There will be no chance of simmering passion while you are steaming with anger and resentment. Keep it adult and don’t resort to childish name-calling. Insult in haste and repent forever.
- Learn how to take it on the chin. If you’re wrong admit it and say sorry. You’ll feel better for it. Watch this short how to video for tips. http://www.howcast.com/videos/397950-how-to-admit-youre-wrong/
- Compliment each other. Everyone likes a compliment. Saying that your other half looks nice will make their day and may make yours too! Fancy being more provocative? Send an SMS suggesting which body part you’d like to devour.
- Do not take advantage of each other. Always treat your other half with respect, no one wants to feel like a comfortable old slipper, and that downtrodden look is really not attractive anyway.
- Doing something spontaneous and unexpected keeps things fresh, swap the bedroom for the kitchen or living room. The next time you are preparing food or entertaining guest, experience those erotic sparks of mental arousal. If you never initiate I would encourage you too, feeling desired will boost relationship rapport.
- Plan something together. Get away for a weekend or even just for the night and really take time to reconnect, relax and enjoy each other. Refuel and reinvigorate and you will thrive. Future planning will give your relationship that added security. Visit Pinterest for last minute getaway ideas.
- Turn your bedroom into a boudoir, a private space for you both, make this a shared project. Visit GOACHI on Pinterest for inspirational ideas.
- Life has a habit of taking over, so that when you go back to your partner after a busy day you’ve got nothing left. After a bath or shower, light a candle and prepare for very slow and intimate massage. I recommend using Afterglow for a massage that will relax and awaken your senses. Watch video.
- A gentle kiss on the forehead is a great way to communicate your tender feelings for your partner. Intense kissing, signals desire and stimulates arousal. Try slowly brushing your lips against your partners inner thighs, torso and back avoiding contact with genitals, disperse your kisses evenly add some moist licks.
Apply these suggestions to hack your non verbal relationship flow.
by Natasha Anderson
Psychosexual Therapist, Sex and Porn Addiction Therapist
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