Decide On the Kind of Relationship You Want

What kind of relationship do you want?

‘Our failure to notice the erotic side of our partner is often closely related to the unchanging environment in which we lead our daily lives’. – Alain de Botton in ‘How to think more about sex’.

About 6 years ago, my husband and I were enjoying a romantic weekend in Paris. That is, it was romantic until I kind of screwed it up by remarking to my husband who was running around the hotel room naked; ‘Honey, you butt is getting fat’. I know that sounds awful, but those were the words, so I can’t change them now. I don’t recall my husband responding immediately, but that evening in the restaurant, he decidedly said ‘I’m going to enjoy my steak with French fries and mayonaise now, but tomorrow I’m going to get serious about getting back in shape’. I remember feeling bad and it made me almost take back my words and reassure him that that didn’t change how sexy he was to me. But I’m glad I didn’t and that wouldn’t have been the truth either.

Decide on the kind of relationship you want

Because what happened after that weekend, was that my husband did get serious about living a healthier lifestyle and he inspired me while he was at it (irony was that my butt was fat too!!). Now, 6 years later, we enjoy working out together, eating healthy with the occasional indulgencies and we look and feel great. But what’s more important, is that this taking care of ourselves, has spread over to other areas. We pay more attention now to how we ‘present’ ourselves to each other, but more importantly to ourselves, in various domains of our lives. It’s about making very conscious choices about the kind of people we want to be and living our lives accordingly. We want to be people that are healthy and happy, that live in a home that feels sexy and cosy, and are a source of love and energy for our friends and family. 

In a very profound way, it’s about being present and being aware of the way in which we are present. It’s changed the way we feel about ourselves and we are both convinced that that remark in Paris might have just saved our relationship or at least led to the kind of relationship we have now and love.

It’s a work in progress though and I admit, it takes effort to maintain that kind of focus and of course, sometimes we get off track. For example, there are periods where I am being consumed by work and fail at being ‘present’. Or the evenings when I’ve given all my energy to just about everyone else that day – colleagues, customers, family, and all my husband comes home to is a drained wife. Sometimes I try to fake it and pretend I’m the lovely wife who is happy to see him, but it’s useless, he sees right through me and the evening falls flat. I’ve come to learn that there are no short-cuts to a healthy life and relationship, it’s not about pretending, faking or forcing some kind of mantra. I’ve tried all that. It’s about being aware of the person you want to be and designing your life accordingly.

I follow 3 simple rules that I was inspired by from my good friend Leila and also philosopher and writer Alain de Botton:

How sexy is your bedroom?

Do this simple litmus test. If you would go into your bedroom right now, take a picture and put it on Pinterest, would anyone repin it? If not, you’re missing out on a great opportunity to look and feel at lot sexier as lovers. Repeat the same exercise for your bathroom, living room and kitchen. And think about what you want them to represent to you and adjustments you want to make.

Decide on the kind of relationship you want

How sexy do you dress at home?

Amuse yourself with another little fun test. Take a look at our new Pinterest Board ‘Sexy at Home’ and ask yourself if you still put in the effort to look and feel sexy for yourself and your partner.

Do you light the candles at the dinner table?

Well, do you? If you don’t, then ask yourself the question: if you enjoy it at your favorite restaurant and you light them when you have friends over for dinner, why don’t you put in the same effort for yourself, your partner and your family?

Decide on the kind of relationship you want

I hope you already apply these 3 simple things to keep the romance in your life, but if you don’t, they are 3 small and easy to do things that will have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself, your life and your relationship.

Enjoy. Indulge. Be happy.

Love, Sarah 

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Sarah Cherif
Sarah Cherif

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